Have you ever had the feeling you just need to rant before your head explodes. Well today is one of those days for me. This is not meant to be a pity party. It's just me bitching about stuff - per usual. Like I said, I just have to get it out. So here it goes...
Why is being yourself never enough? I'm frankly sick of it. Whether it be for other people or for society, we're always expected to be more than who we are. By no means do I mean that we should settle for mediocrity or not try harder. I think, for some of us, that's all part of being who we are. Those of you who know me well, know I don't just settle. However, I'm also not throwing myself out there. I think there's a happy medium.
After some frustrations and revelations over the past little while, I'm just quite frankly fed up with it. Why can't I just be me? Why is that not good enough? The fact of the matter is - I can't be everything to everyone or even everything to anyone and I just don't get how people can expect that. Society, friends, relationships and people in general expect us to be what they need. Why should they expect me to be anything more or less than myself? Do I expect more out of them? No. And yes, I realize there's a chance that I'm one of the few people in the world who look at it that way. I'm really good for taking things for what they are - for not expecting life to hand over everything and dealing with what comes my way. Do I wish sometimes that it were a little bit easier and things to work they way I want it to? Sure. I'm only human but I do not expect it.
So now I'm left wondering how I ended up in such a position. Lately, I've really been feeling the whole I have to stop being so nice thing. Or do I just start thinking more about myself? I don't know, that wouldn't really be me now would it? I guess I'm just at a loss. I know I joke a bunch about the whole "If I don't quite feel like myself, then who do I feel like?" thing. But it's so true sometimes. I don't feel like myself and perhaps I don't want to feel like myself because myself is apparently just not good enough. Yeah sometimes I wish I could be a little more of this or that but overall I'm quite content with who I am. Maybe one day I'll find someone who can truly appreciate that but as for now, I'm not really sure that it exists in any shape or form. Somebody, whether it be a friend, a family member, a significant other, a boss, a coworker or whatever, always wants more.
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