Trippin’ - Physically & Mentally

Originally posted on MySpace Blog

**Note: This blog is not for the feint of heart. It gets a little descriptive**

Well, what can I say? It's been a long couple of days.

I took a trip back to St. Louis about a week and a half ago to attend a friend's surprise 30th birthday party. It was a good time. I got to see some old friends who I haven't seen in ages, spend some quality time with others and also got to see my brother's fam. I did work some while I was there, but over all I had a good little break. I opted to take Otto with me since I was still pilling him once a day. I didn't want to burden someone else with that and if something were to happen to him I didn't want it to happen when I was away.

He started acting rather lethargic again a day before we left. I was hoping it was just one of those spells that he seemed to snap out of after a couple days. The first few days in STL he seemed pretty out of it. However, he seemed to come back slightly early to mid week. By Friday evening I was getting concerned. He appeared to take a drastic downhill turn. He pretty much stopped eating - even the treats he used to gobble up when he wouldn't eat much of anything else. First thing Saturday morning I took him over to Banfield @ PetSmart. They'd never seen an FIP positive cat before. I kind of felt like an oddity. I didn't particularly like the Vet either. She seemed genuinely nice, but she wouldn't shut up when I was trying to ask questions. I really just wanted to make sure Otto would make the trip home. I wanted to get him to my Vet, after all I trust them and well they know his whole history. She told me multiple times that it didn't look good but that he should be okay for 2 days. (I already had an appt set up for Monday morning.)

He did make the trip home, I can't exactly say it was uneventful. He had a little epsisode in Waterloo, IA when I attempted to get him to drink some CatSure. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His chest was rising and falling so quickly and he was panting rapidly. I quickly restored him to the back of the car where he seemed to like hiding in the litter box (thankfully clean since he wasn't eating or drinking.) I checked on him again when I stopped for gas a while later and he seemed to have calmed down. We got home around 4 pm and I immediately took him downstairs and made sure he was okay and situated. I hung near him for a bit that evening. I just anticipated Monday wasn't going to be good.

I took him to the vet for an 8:30 appt. He had a mini panting episode when we got in the car but he calmed a little after. He just laid there in his bag staring at me. I pet him the whole way to ease him. Unfortunately the Vet's office confirmed my fears. His paleness was starting to turn a bit yellow indicating liver failure. His one kidney was as large as a goose egg and bumpy. The other one was bumpy too. At this point there was nothing further we could really do to improve his quality of life. It wasn't a hard decision to put him to sleep. I knew it was time and really what he needed. The hard part was deciding to stay in the room or not. I opted to stay. I knew he wasn't going to fight it. He couldn't, he had no energy left. I would be easier and perhaps a bit of closure to see him go to sleep then just walk out of a room and then go back in to see him there. I saw him go "to sleep" which is somewhat contrary to the phrase since dogs and cats don't close their eyes. I got to stay there for a few mins and say good bye. That was the hard part. He was such a little fighter and he was there for me when the ex left, etc. He was my baby. He was only 2 years old but as the vet and the wonderful ladies/techs there remind me it's not the quantity of life - it's the quality. They said that I gave him a good life and that I did more than any other owner would probably have done for a pet.

I had a choice of a group or private cremation. I don't want to be one of those crazy people who get their pet's ashes and hold on to them but I also couldn't bear the thought of my baby being in a landfill. I don't want to keep the ashes and I don't want to bury him here or by the old house. I'm hoping the lady at the vet office knows which farm he came from down there and that he can be returned to where he came from. I think that will make me feel the best and that he's back where he belongs.

Anyhow, enough from me. Thanks so much to all of you who have offered your kind words of sympathy and support. I really do appreciate it - more than you realize.

Franz

Rev’s Reflection

Originally posted on MySpace Blog

Well, Laura's wedding has come and gone. I think it went well. I heard many people say it was a lovely ceremony and apparently I made the bride tear up... so I guess I did a good job. Heck, seeing her attempt to hold tears back made me start tearing too! Thanks to those of you who supported me through out this craziness. Apparently I've been so supportive, helpful and on top of things, the bride says I should seriously consider furthering my wedding career & helping others. I don't exactly see that happening but it makes me laugh.

Anyhow, I figured now that it's not so top secret anymore I'd share my "sermon." I did take some inspiration from some research but overall it's pretty much all mine. Funny thing is... Today when talking to a co-worker/friend she used my own message on me! Crazy... I knew I was smart, I guess I should start listening to myself. Here it is:

At the beginning of our gathering, I mentioned there is one profound word that brings us here today. Love.

What is love?

It is something that, most likely, we will never fully comprehend. We have all heard various stories and definitions of love. They have been passed down through time by mouth, pen, song and picture. However, none of these methods can truly capture what we, who are blessed to be here, will witness today.

Laura and Anthony. As you begin your life together, I would like to take a few moments to talk about a side of love that may not always be obvious throughout your future journey.

Let's adventure back to 1905 with a scene from "Fiddler on the Roof." The play focuses around a Russian Jew named Tevya during a time when change was all around. Change not only touched the political world but it also touched the traditions of the Jewish people. Marriages were no longer being arranged by a matchmaker and the parents. Children were now marrying for love, including Tevya's own daughters. In the midst of all this turmoil and intrigue, Tevya goes to his wife and the following conversation ensues.

"Golda, it's a new world now, a new world."

"Golda, do you love me?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you love me?"

"Do I love you? With our daughters getting married and this trouble in the town, you're upset; you're worn out, go inside, go lie down, maybe its indigestion."

"Oh, No Golda, "I'm asking you a question. Do you love me?"

"You're a fool."

"I know, but do you love me?"

"Do I love you? Well. . For twenty-five years I washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked your cow. After twenty-five years why talk about love right now?"

"Golda, the first time I met you it was on our wedding day. I was scared."

"I was shy."

"I was nervous."

"So was I."

"But my father and mother said we'd learn to love each other and now I'm asking, Golda, Do you love me?"

"I'm your wife."

"I know, but do you love me?"

"Do I love him? For twenty five years I lived with him, fought with him, starved with him, twenty-five years my bed is his, if that's not love, what is?"

"Then you love me."

"I suppose I do."

"And I suppose I love you too. It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years it's nice to know."

So often, the focus of love is placed on words. However, as shown through Tevya and Golda's relationship and in relationships you've seen throughout your life, the truth is love is really shown by what we do and how we act. When we sat down together to start talking about this ceremony, I asked you both about how you knew you loved the other and what it meant to you. Both of you said something that involved action. You used the word selflessness and talked about putting the other person before yourself. You fell in love with each other based on something or a bunch of somethings that the other one did. You didn't fall in love because of a series of words. Now, I don't mean to insinuate that words don't matter. They matter a lot. It's really more of a package deal. Words combined with supporting action are just as important in Love and Marriage as they are in business and politics. Just remember, as I'm sure we've all heard a parent tell us at one point, "Actions speak louder than words."

Right now, this all may sound obvious and you're probably beginning to wonder when I'll get to the profound little nugget of wisdom. Don't worry its coming.

The fact is the love that you feel at this moment will evolve. Today, you are embarking on a glorious adventure and you will encounter much more amazing things along the way. However, it won't always be an easy journey. As with any relationship, you will face pressures from friends, family, work and society. You will find it is possible that routine can unknowingly lead you to taking each other for granted. It is often in the harder times when the words aren't supported by the action. Love, real love, love that will keep you together, will take a lot of effort from both of you. Never let yourselves fall to the temptation to think otherwise. Marriage may offer the greatest challenges to overcome, but in return, it gives you love, strength and support from one another. Your love will deepen with each day, but genuine liking for each other, the willingness to accept each other's strong and weak points with understanding and respect, is what will provide your marriage with a strong and lasting foundation.

Laura and Anthony, my wish, prayer and advice for you is…

Trust in yourself as an individual, in yourselves as a couple and, of course, in each other. Keep open the lines of communication because, it is through open, honest and nonjudgmental discussion that you will get through the difficult times. Do not be afraid or too proud to ask one another for help. Celebrate the smallest of occasions and victories. Plan for the future, but allow yourselves to live and enjoy today. Lastly, even though actions may speak louder than words, never stop saying I love you.

Well, that's it. Not overly profound, but from my experience something often forgotten. Now to veg for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day at work.

Cheers,
Rev. Franzy